12th I

Assalamualaikum.

I thought I've rectified the wrongs. But clearly, not in its entirety. Well, for one good thing at least, I know I'm no longer messed up. All I wanted all this while was nothing but a peace of mind. To stop dwelling on resented rememberings and face reality. Harsh as it seems, I rejoice truth. But it's ironic how tiny little things threatened to crumple the wall I'm building. And it's even more so when I figured out the so-called defense was indeed feeble. I have no idea why oh why NOW would be the time for my dear little Hamka to be addicted to The Song. He put it on, turned up to the maximum volume, and sang along - on the couch, in the shower. But the most worrisome thing about it was not about the singing, but how it affected me. I want to be able to live with it, and feel nothing. I want to be able to sing along, and laugh at the whole thing. But it's disturbing, I failed to be ignorant and that's what made me upset more than anything else. To totally put together mind and heart in synchronisation this time, proven to be not quite an easy task. Maybe I need more time. Don't try too hard, just mean every little effort.