niffira.nia's: Chapter Review I

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Chapter Review I

Fancy seeing You here again, after quite a long time.

It feels just like a blink of an eye. This whole thing. And now, another semester has ended. Hmm. It reminds me of the words my bestfriend had said - our life is very much like the chapters in a storybook; when one part finishes, another part starts. And, like always, the last line would not necessarily be the finishing line.

You had been a part of my life back then - to whom I poured out my emotions, my anxieties into words. Well I guess I've learned to live without all that now.To not be writing in here doesn't mean nothing happened. My life lived..the dices rolled..the coins tossed. And often, I lost. But it doesn't mean it's a life less lived, it doesn't make the world less fair. Luck doesn't have to be on my side all the time. God does. And the thought of it makes everything bearable.

Semester Two had been quite a ride. At one point at a time, it felt so mashed up. So many things to deal with, to keep up with I nearly lost myself. Exaggerations here and there I felt so surreal. One beautiful midnight gave me an answer. As I walked across the field, looking at the sky above and see the majestic ceiling of The Earth - how little it made me feel. The other side of the Universe I might never know of might be staring at me in awe..there's so many things I do not know..the different dimensions of lives stay undiscovered..and yet I am so deeply occupied with all the things on the ground; drained, disturbed, bothered, with everything that had made my life bigger than it seems. As I left Love in the dark, it caught me for a while how I could let that be. But I know he could take care of himself. I hadn't stop questioning - now I doubt it whether I need to even ask, at the first place. I believe in having faith.. was I truthfully being faithful from the start? Sometimes, certain things don't need reasons. Sometimes, not all answers need questions.

And taught me certain lessons - of devotion, of loyalty. Of how you were turned down several times, and you yourself deciding to just forget and walk away, then found yourself standing on the exact same spot, forgiving. Well you can't help but to question what the heck happened that made you stayed, but just like I said - not all answers need questions. You just did. Relentlessly, you decide to persevere. And I guess I know just exactly what that held me back.

Exams. One thing about exam is that it drives you nuts. All you want to do is to just stop and sleep on it, but you know you need to get going. And for what exactly?

One mental note though..plug in your headset when you're studying, Ain. Any external disturbance causing an emotional resonance will make you read and reread the same line for an hour or so. At the end of the hour, all you've got is some water attempting to deflame the fire. Not too bad, though eh?

Friendships walking on a fine thread. Friendships cuddled, friendships flawed. You resonated emotions not of your own. The sense of belonging misused.. overturned. Seeing a few falling apart before your own eyes, catching your own with a slippery fingers of a weak grasp. At the end of the day it's not about 'keeping' it real. It's about being yourself, loving and giving without hoping for any in return. Pretty impossible.. but that's the rule. Well, pieces of your heart got shattered and broken along the way.. but a stitched up heart showed how much you suffered AND recovered. Better than a perfect-looking one don't you think?

I wanna write more on this 'chapter', but.. well let's just say I'll see you soon XD


crixerity said...

"...loving and giving without hoping for any in return."

ini utilitarianism. wujud ke benda ni? sedangkan pelajar kmb yang (kononnya) baik-baik pun tolong sana sini nak kumpul cas hours?

nur-ain said...

Are you sure it's all about the CAS hours?

Ade je yang mmg nak tolong.. nak merasa tolong org susah.. nak merasa diri diperlukan. And buat kerja-kerja kebajikan ni dengan niat untuk Allah.

Tapi at the end of it..dihulurkan CAS hours berjam-jam. Hmm. Senyum je la. Alhamdulillah. Ade pahala yang Allah bayar cash kat dunia.
Kan? :D

crixerity said...

Pernah buat kerja amal apa semua sebelum masuk KMB?

niffira.nia said...

Some people hadn't been given the chance, or might not even know how to start, where to begin. Some even don't know they have in it in them - the willingness to help.

Pernah satu, dua.
Well, listing them here won't feed the purpose well i'd say. :)

crixerity said...

chance untuk ditunggu atau dicipta?

(aku saja je sebenarnya, suka tengok macam mana orang justify diorang punya pemikiran. socratic method)

YuriS_New家愛 said...


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