You know what?

Assalamualaikum.

You know what? I'm, freaked out right now. I know, I'm not supposed to be worried, what's coming will come, the result is already there you just need to handle it well, because believe it or not everything you're going to get is the best one for you, and that you know on top of everything else.. you've done your best, and.. the list goes on and on. I KNOW. The thing is, knowing and feeling just don't match sometimes. Your hands just got all sweaty, and you can feel your tiny heart beating fast, and, you just, don't feel right. I'm doing all I can to keep myself occupied, and I just, move around. The next thing I know, I'm watching a marathon of Grey's Anatomy all day long, letting myself be in their world for a change, and escaping from my own. I'm hostile, and volatile. I guess my parents know me slightly better than I gave them credit for, because they don't seem to be put out with me. I guess, too, at one point, they even stopped caring for the results I'm going to get. I guess they are much more concerned on how I'll be handling the news, the bad one, of course. But still, it's getting much more personal than that. This is what happen when you're no longer a sixteen-year-old teenage girl, eager to prove a point to anybody who cares. You're twenty, ready to take things onto your own plate, and start considering this whole thing is about you, your life, and all that you've got to do with it. So yes, I'm pleased with the fact that my parents are not expecting much, but for me, that's no longer the battle I'm fighting for. It's the expectation I have, towards myself. That very expectation is exactly what my own parents are concerned about. I've never really failed before, not in this kind of thing. PTS, UPSR, PMR, SPM. Never. And now, IB. I guess I have no idea what failure can do to me. I guess I'm just, scared.