Darkest, Dawn

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, all praise is due to Allah. I've achieved the required IB points set by MARA and also IUMC. InshaAllah, if all goes well, I'll be flying off to somewhere in Ireland by early September and enter a medical school there. TCD, UCD, UCC, or NUIG? That'll be decided soon by the appropriate body. I cannot be more grateful than this, and I'm excited. Thanks Ya Allah, for You've granted the best things life can possibly offer to me, at this point of time.

The night when the results came out, I've already written a bunch of paragraphs full of crap about how overwhelmed I feel, in how much disbelief I currently am.. reminiscing about the good, old days which seemed to finally pay off. After 30 minutes of it, I simply deleted the entire essay. I'd never published it since. I guess there's nothing, really, that can do justice about the entire experience. Not even now. Not even this.

So I'm just going to skip that part.

After almost five days of keeping my head down, so many things has happened; around me, within me. To name a few - a rally turned nasty and turning everything else, a bunch of students fighting their way through post-IB to make it to a decent medical/engineering school, and a rather lucky girl who seems to have the things she wants, rolling to her feet.. etc. Only one of these three things mentioned concerns me directly, the one which is the least important, the most insignificant. Who wants to listen to a happy little girl anyway? That doesn't make a good story, does it?

The world, doesn't revolve around me. I might be happy now, I might not be so after this. There's no shame in being happy. Celebrate. Say thanks, all smiles. But yes, there are things, bigger things that are just so much bigger than myself happening right now.

The sisters and brothers of my nation, my religion are turning against each other. They no longer recognize their purpose, all they can see are battlefields to be won. They cannot tell between their foes and friends. They insulted each other on the streets, they quarrel and humiliate one another in social networking sites.. almost everyone is determined to take sides, pick a stand or even a parang, and fight.

Choose one side, I am right. You are wrong. Now we fight. Winner takes it all.

A bunch of my friends are struggling to secure placements, scholarships. Every time my phone vibrates on incoming emails coming from them (to our councillor), I'll take a peek, sensing weariness along each line. I cannot imagine it happening to me, I cannot possibly know how it actually feel like. They're my friends, and I've known some of them quite well, having studying together with some of them myself. It broke my heart. I'm taping and gluing it together with prayers.

No matter how things may turn out to be after this, faith is a a very useful tool to hold on to. Whatever it is that had been decided for you, something good awaits. It's always the darkest before dawn, isn't it?

No pretty words can help any of you, but I mean it.